memories

I find the human mind so fascinating. I have heard that music is one of the most recognized sounds to the human mind, that is why we can remember songs from elementary school and before. There are memories in my lifetime that are triggered by certain music or bands. The memories are sweet and bring a smile upon my face. This past week, both while driving with my boys in tow, I was taken back in time with two songs which brought me right back to my teenage years.

Every time I hear a Matchbox 20 song, I am reminded of my Senior Year. It was the Winter of 1998 and I was flying with my best friend Linzy Griswold to Hawaii. Matchbox 20 had just debuted their first album, and it was featured on the Airline's music radio station. Everytime I hear the song, which begins with this line: "I wonder what it's like to be the rainmaker...," I am brought back to my Senior trip with my best friend. Sun, shopping, sunbathing, Sweet Rolls and Hawaiian fruit juice comes to mind and I am swept off to Kaui with just a little bit of Matchbox 20.

The second memory is somewhat bittersweet, but is guarenteed to bring me back to an innocent time. It was the Halloween Stake dance of my Freshman year of highschool. I was 14, he was 18, he left his highschool sweetheart when a Pearl Jam song was played and swept me away from his younger brother. We laughed, talked, and swayed our way across the dance floor to the Pearl Jam songs "An Elderly Woman behind the counter of a store in a small town" (I THINK that is it's name. The longest title in song history I think!) and "Can't find a better man," and ironically, at the time, and for many years that followed, I felt in my heart that I could not find a better man than this guy. My youngest brother and he shared the same first name and he always joked that we named Derek after him. If that would have been the case, he would have been a perfect person to name Derek after. He was always kind to others, made everyone feel so special, and truly the Lord's Messenger. Ironically, what my brother Derek has become.

We were later reunited at college. He worked at the college bookstore. I had a boyfriend at the beginning of my freshman year of college and turned down the opportunity to reconnect with Derek. I later thought, "what was I thinking? He was my dream guy" but realized, it was for the best. I wouldn't have ever met Justin, my knight in shining armor, the man who WAS "the better man." Justin and I got engaged the summer Derek and his fiance got married.

2003 I received a phone call from my mom early one morning, before I was to be at work. My mom said on the other line, "I don't want to upset you but there is something I have to tell you. Derek was hit by a semi truck while biking home from work. He died instantly."

Devistation.

He had served a mission, made friends with everyone he had met, made everyone feel as if they were something special, and left a young wife behind.

I have sometimes thought what a better world this was having Derek on it. How many lives he touched, mine was just one of hundreds I am sure.

Music and memories. I love the opportunity I have, during the strangest but most opportune time, to be swept away, for 3 minutes, to a place that was sweet, innocent, and life changing. And then, when the last chord has been played and the music stops, to look back at my smiling boys and realize I am now making memories I will always cherish.